A Message from the Head of School Jodi Grass

Solving problems is how children build competence – both in the classroom and in life. The aim of a healthy life is not to eliminate hardship but to develop the skills and inner resources to meet it. Each challenge becomes an opportunity to refine our problem-solving abilities and strengthen our coping mechanisms, so that when difficulties arise, we can continue forward without being paralyzed by struggle. By normalizing everyday problems, we help children see that challenges are not detours from life’s path – they are the very ground upon which the path is forged.

Recently, my two-year-old granddaughter and I were getting ready to go outside to play. When I bent down to help her with her shoes, she snapped, “I do it!” So I stepped back and watched as she wrestled with them. Every attempt I made to guide her was met with fierce resistance. After what felt like an eternity, she stood up beaming with pride – her purple Crocs perfectly on the wrong feet. And off we went outside.

Minor frustrations give children valuable opportunities to practice and refine their skills. Had I rushed in to solve the problem – something I could have done in a moment – I would have denied her the pride that comes from accomplishing it herself.

Likewise, during middle childhood, a major focus shifts toward skill-building in social development – learning how to navigate the complex world of peer relationships. This stage of life offers a critical laboratory for practicing essential social skills: experiencing what it feels like to be excluded and to exclude, to be a leader and a follower, to negotiate, to share, to compromise, and to resolve conflicts. For healthy development, children need opportunities to grapple with both sides of these dynamics. Each experience – whether joyful or uncomfortable – helps them grow in empathy, resilience, and perspective, laying the foundation for more mature and authentic relationships in adolescence and beyond.

When children come to us with a worry or a problem – whether it’s a disagreement with a classmate, a tricky homework assignment, or feeling left out at recess – our first instinct as adults is often to jump in and fix it. We soothe, reassure, or step in with solutions. While this comes from love, it can unintentionally send the message that problems are unusual or dangerous. It also subtly communicates to the child that we don’t think they can handle or solve this problem. In reality, problems are a natural, unavoidable part of life – and learning how to face them is one of the most important skills a child can develop.

Wendy Mogel, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, refers to this as the “gift of struggle.” She reminds us that “children are hardwired to struggle,” and that struggle itself is not something to fear but to embrace. A skinned knee is not just an accident to be avoided – it’s a blessing, an opportunity to grow resilience, adaptability, and confidence. Each time a child confronts and overcomes a challenge, they build the inner resources to meet the next one.

Oliver Burkeman, in Meditations for Mortals, writes, “We waste much of life trying to engineer it so problems won’t occur, but the truth is that problems are the very medium of life. They are not interruptions. They are life.” When we normalize problems for children, we help them see that difficulties aren’t signs of failure but invitations to learn, connect, and grow.

Instead of rushing in to solve a child’s concern, parents and educators can step into the role of coach. When a child comes to us upset, we can ask questions that encourage problem-solving and resourcefulness:

“What do you need to solve that problem?”

“Who did you ask for help?”

“What are some ideas you’ve thought of already?”

This approach communicates confidence: I believe you are capable of handling this. It also gently guides children toward self-advocacy, collaboration, and creative thinking.

When a child says, “I had a problem at school today,” the best gift we can give is not an instant solution but a calm, steady presence that says: Of course you did. Problems happen. Let’s talk about what you might be able to do about it.

As we return to the classroom this fall, we can support our students to normalize problems, not minimize them, showing children that difficulties are natural, manageable, and even essential for growth. When adults shift from fixing to guiding, we give children the lifelong tools to meet the inevitable bumps, skinned knees, and deeper struggles of life with resilience, courage, and grace.